Much discussion has ensued regarding this Xanga posting. I thought that I would just propagate the flood just a wee bit more. BTW, talk about being the personification of the pink paper....
Here you go... from the pages of dee_dub_u
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Real Life Hitch, version k.oreano_0...
So here's the article that I wrote on January 9, 2007 that's been
getting hundreds (yes, 100's) of visitors each day. It got featured
(accidentally, I'm sure) on the xanga frontpage
since last week. I'm posting it up front so my precious subscribers
can take a peek. The comments are even more interesting than my
thoughts. Thanks for everyone's two cents. Later on I'll write an
updated, more polished essay on this topic. Stay tuned.
* * *
Clear
your mind
Don’t
think about today’s schedule.
This
is not a waste of time.
Think
of it as a little mission trip.
My
mind tried to console me as I went up in the elevator. On the seventh
floor, I would meet a man who earns a living by setting up single people for
marriage. Oh, boy. I didn’t know what to expect, or rather, I didn’t
want to think about what to expect. At least I’m gonna get a good,
long blog entry from this, I chuckled as I stepped out of the
elevator.
Elder
Cho welcomed me into his small office. A kind-looking man in his fifties,
Elder Cho stood shorter than me, but he was confident, eloquent, and honest in
his speech. It didn’t take me too long to realize he was one of the most
detailed and accurate persons I’ve ever met.
“Mr.
Kim, you were at USC for three and a half years, studying… industrial
engineering, no?”
I
had just filled out a personal bio sheet for him, and I had left out my history
at a prestigious school I dropped out of. He must’ve remembered from the
phone conversation with my dad, and that wasn’t recent, I thought.
“Yes,
your memory is excellent.”
As
he continued to review my profile, I noticed his desk was covered with dozens
of other bios: names, birthdates, careers, photos. To his side, a
computer monitor displayed a spreadsheet with more names and bios. Blown
up copy of a newspaper article hung on the wall above it, praising Elder Cho
and his wife’s work of helping singles meet and marry. I sighed. Inventory!,
I whined. I’m inventory for him! We’re his inventory,
and he’s trying to sell us!
As
the sage inside my head slapped the whining fool next to him, I nodded
and agreed with everything Elder Cho said in our little small talk. I
wanted to end this and get out. My plan was to escape five minutes
ago. The Fool hijacked the conversation.
“Sir,
with all due respect, I’m still in college and I’m planning on graduate
school. I don’t think I’m ready to get married anytime soon.”
He
didn’t flinch. He heard it too many times. “Let me show you something,”
he said as he shifted through the bios on his desk. The next hour would
change my life. Sort of.
“This
young lady,” as he pointed to a profile photo on the bio, “was born in
1972. What is that, 34 years old? She went to UCLA for undergrad, then
to Stanford for a MBA. She makes about $200,000 a year. She’s pretty,
isn’t she? She’s 5’7. Nice girl. But she’s still single, and
she doesn’t have much thought for marriage.”
He
dropped that bio and picked up another bio.
“This
young lady, a pastor’s kid like you, went to pharmacy school and became a
pharmacist. But that didn’t satisfy her, so she went back to school, went
to law school and became a lawyer. She makes a lot of money, too.
“You
see all these pink bios? The pink ones are girls, the white ones are
guys.”
My
jaw dropped. His desk was covered with pink, and I saw only tiny blotches
of white. To his right, he started flipping through what seemed like a
gigantic rolodex of pink bios. “These are all girls, they’re all single,
and they’re all professionals: doctors, dentists, lawyers, engineers,
professors, CPA’s, you name it.” He turned around in his swivel chair,
picked up a thick, three-inch binder, and starting going through more
people. I noticed behind him there were a whole stack of three-inch
binders. I wondered, How many does he have? More than
hundreds. Thousands? Tens of thousands?!
The
Sage inside was too curious. I began to pick his brain, inquiring him why
were these people were single, and where he thought the source of these
problems lied. This is what I gleaned from Elder Cho this morning.
-
He showed me about three dozen bios in his inventory. They were all over
30 years old, some of the over 40. Most of them were
girls.
-
The more successful a girl is, the less likely she is to get married before 30.
-
If a girl had the “goods” (appearance, multiple degrees, career, and income),
she most likely has too much ego to get married, let alone finding a
counterpart who matches her resume.
-
The girls in his inventory all had a common path: go to a UC for undergrad, go
to grad school (preferably in the East Coast),and delay marriage as much as
possible or even resent it.
-
He has inventory from all over California,
Texas, the East Coast, Canada
and Korea.
-
In frustration, Elder Cho said, “Why do these Korean parents send their
precious daughters to UC? Why do they want them to succeed so much and
not get married?”
-
His ideal path for a girl: 1) Go to Cal
State for undergrad; 2) study
business, nursing, education, or engineering; 3) work, and 4) no grad school.
“Why do girls need more than that?!” he exclaimed.
-
“Guys are the ones who should be going to school and making big money, not
girls.” The guys in his inventory were not as successful in academics
compared to the girls. (Me: Uh-oh.) However, they were settled down
in their careers and businesses. (Me: Pssh, I’ll get that, no
biggie.)
-
One graduate or professional degree is not enough for these young ladies.
Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, Princeton,
Brown, UCLA, Berkeley, Haas,
Wharton. Law, medicine, dental, pharmacy, PhD’s. Six figure
income. These were the norm in his inventory. I thought I was
looking at the Korean girls’ version of Fortune 500.
-
“Look at this. These are articles from the Korean papers. These
people are famous! They’re intelligent, influential people! But
they’re fools! They don’t want to get married!”
-
One young lady started seeing another young man, but they broke up since they
couldn’t agree on where to live.
-
Another young lady refused to date another young man because he didn’t buy a
house yet. “Why does a bachelor need to own his house? He’s not
married yet, for crying out loud!”
-
Yet another young lady – who pulled in over $200k a year – refused to meet a
young man who worked as an engineer, who “only” made $70k.
-
And another young lady went on missions for a few years. When she came
back, she was well into her thirties, but still single. Now her bio sits
on his desk. “Why do you have to go on missions as a single? Why
can’t you marry and go? The mission put dent in her marriage AND her
long-term mission.”
-
He had a binder of people looking to re-marry. “This one’s wife died
after a year and a half in coma. Three kids, very sad. He’s
looking tore-marry. Oh, this other girl, she's a fine young lady.
But her ex-husband had a gambling problem and tore up their marriage.”
-
There were some success stories, which is why Elder Cho continues to make a
living but also gets deep satisfaction from his work. "This man is
married now, and I see him at Costco with his wife. He came up, shook my
hand, and hugged me. The wife was very happy to see me again,
too." "This other one will be getting married this month.
Good catch."
-
Elder Cho implored, “What do you need to get married? You need someone
attractive, someone you can talk with, someone you are comfortable with.
But be reasonable.
-
“Find someone healthy, both spiritually and physically. There are
seriously troubled people out there, so you need someone spiritually, mentally
and emotionally sound. Physical health is crucial as well; you don’t want
to be burdened by someone who’s sick all the time. Of course, these are
things you should strive for yourself as well.
-
“Do what you want, Mr. Kim. Go to grad school and become a professor, just
as long as you keep meeting people and keep dating. These people,
especially the girls, would be all right if they would only open themselves up
to dating, regardless of where they are in their careers or education
paths.
-
“Be a well-rounded person. Do you like sports, Mr. Kim? Good, you
should. I’ve met a girl who can go over last night’s Lakers game
play-by-play and how they won when Kobe
only scored 8 points, and the guy who met her was totally clueless about what
she just said.”
While
driving back home, picking up dry-cleaning, eating PB&J for lunch, studying
at Starbucks, hanging out with a buddy, I’ve spent the whole day reflecting
about this morning. I thought Elder Cho was preaching to the choir.
I mean, c’mon, I want to get married. I want to come home to the lovely
missus and a rat pack of kiddies. I want to take my family to Disneyland,
like my dad did. Maybe not now, but the sooner the better.
But
it looks like I’ve got some changing to do myself.
It’s
not just me. It’s us, all of us who are single adults. I’m so
heartbroken when I look at my generation, my people. We are so
broken. God loves the young Korean-Americans, and He wants do so much
with us, but looking at how so many of us are driven by success and
independence, we forget God’s gift of marriage. This is a very sensitive
issue, and I am sure that a number of us have very legitimate reasons for
delaying marriage.
But
for Christ’s sake, look at me! I’m a 26 year old who just quit his job at
LA Times to go back to school full-time and finish college this year, in hopes
of getting into grad school and becoming a professor. I’ve yet to make a
dent in starting my career. All of the single people out there who are
not in a coma or not a drug addict, I have the most legitimate
reason of postponing marriage. But if I need to repent, then you do, too!
But
in all seriousness, let me share my logic.
Is
Marriage more important than Career?
Pause.
Silence.
I stare at the wall.
I don’t want to answer.
… Umm, I guess so.
So if Marriage is more important than Career, then Marriage is a higher
priority than Career, right?
Another pause.
The wall is white.
… Yes, but—
If Marriage is such a High Priority, am I giving it more attention than I
give to my Career, or future Career?
… It’s not that easy—
Or in other words, am I giving such a High Priority as Marriage the
attention, the thought, the planning, the prayer, the sacrifice, and the
preparation it deserves?
No, I am not giving it enough of any of those.
Then what do I need to do?
I resolve to make become healthier. This year I will become a healthier
single man preparing for marriage in every way. I will...
… spend more time in the Word and prayer.
… do everything to keep myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually sound and
deter myself from becoming defeated and depressed.
… keep my body in shape.
… rock and roll in all my classes but not be burdened by them.
… be a good steward of time and money.
… be a good son, a good brother, a good church teacher, a good friend.
… adventure further in dating and romance, even if I make mistakes.
… keep an active but simple leisure life.
… love our Lord Jesus Christ until I can see and hear my skin cells praising
His name, waving their little hairs like white hankies.
Atta
boy!
Thank
you, Lord. You’re getting a knack for making me laugh and wonder. ___________________________________________________________________________________
| 
What a thing of beauty!
